Another random thought: regrets

Cue in music: In my mind by Amanda Palmer

Let's see... there's this kid, you could say he's a cousin of mine. He's not much doing great in school. Well, I can see a bit of my self in him. ... A lot of my self in him... So here's a letter (or a post) to you, my former self, well to also my cousin (if he reads this).

Dear ... too formal though. Hello, how are you? If you are reading this I am probably dead... I mean, still here, happy but not content. It's sad though, it seems I'm living a tragedy. Well, most part of it, I humor myself with a bit of comedy. A bit of laugh here and there, but in all honesty, you don't want to be in where I am at.

I'm angry at the most part, rooting from my dissatisfaction of how things are going.Well, reasons are, I'm not in control of what going on with my life. I wish I am though. One other reason is... well, I always like to say that I lose my wings to take flight but yes, my little sister is right, I'm afraid of going out of my comfort zone. I'm afraid. I hate saying it, the truth hurts. So I like to sugar coat it. To make it more like a tragedy, well, here's a fool who's more knowledgeable but afraid. To you, my friend, don't be like me. You'll hate it.

Don't be like me, if you could, change. If you could be the hero, don't just write and dream about it. Be one. Keep that enthusiasm burning, surround yourself with kind  and good people and be grateful, don't take advantage of them before it's too late. Be grateful for everything. Keep yourself away from those who are only using you and have no sense of your existence. Be human not only in your sense but in your existence as well. Be understanding. Widen and broaden your empathy. That's the proper word, empathy. But never lose yourself.

Think of yourself from time to time, have yourself a book to read. Immerse yourself with knowledge, keep reading. Don't hate book, one day you'll probably write one and you'll be sad if you think that there are others that hate to read your book. But write anyway, that's your passion. If that isn't, if you've decided to choose a different path, continue and stand high in your league.

I know that YOU KNOW YOUR LIMITS, so what are you doing there? Don't be like me, steel yourself, endure that appetite for useless thing. I know that it's sort of like an addiction but persevere. That itching feeling of wanting to taste the first blood in every game, that every new tactics you see in video, forget about all these, or perhaps just put it into your lowest priority. Go get a book and start dreaming. Trees aren't cut down to be books and left on the top of the bookshelf unopened and collecting dust, they are dreams personified. Open one and immerse yourself in it. Go to other world and learn other things than these not much desirable to your path. I know since I've been there and the path ahead, I am not satisfied.

Be proud but be human. Excel but never forget. Stand high but keep hands at reach for others. Dream but realize them.

These words are nothing to others perhaps but I do hope for some odd just, my former self would understand these. Sad thing is, I feel, while I'm writing this, nothing. That's how pathetic I am right now. But embedded within some of these words, perhaps, there's something.

And again, for one more time, DON'T BE LIKE ME. Grow your wings, and take flight.